I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
