hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
