He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
