I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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