Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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