I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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