My hand turned me down
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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