I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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