Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
