hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
