please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
