ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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