ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
