just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You made out with two different species that night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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