Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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