He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
