I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
