the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
