I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
