I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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