worst night to have a conscience
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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