when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
