Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
