party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
