I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
