Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
