I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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