nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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