Christians are straight up FREAKS
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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