Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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