I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
