Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
