i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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