Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
