i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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