I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
