This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
