im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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