I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we're making bets on your personal life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
