we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
