found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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