Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
