Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
