I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
