Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
