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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
