she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
