the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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