it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
