I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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