whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Less talking, more tequila
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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