Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize