cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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