I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Boobs speak an international language.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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