The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
