dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
