Kiss
Puke
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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