Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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