There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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