So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
