im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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