Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
