at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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