I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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