All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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