I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
