Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
