butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
