I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
